


Blame game

by GardenBodied



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 15:18:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10468035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GardenBodied/pseuds/GardenBodied
Summary: written in the point of view of Tera Young, a runaway with her drug abusing boyfriend, Marcus.





	

Sometimes I sit here, wondering where I should go with my life from this point on. I sit in a small broken down flat in New York City; I'm a long way from home and I'm living from paycheck to paycheck. I want to blame someone; I really do but it's hard with a surviving addict living under my roof. I can't afford anything for myself. It's all for him.

Don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces but sometimes I wonder, where would little ol' Tera be if she didn't fall for some doping drug addict with the cute eyes and messy blond hair. Where was she and what would she be doing if she just finished high school? She wouldn't be working two jobs, that's for damn sure. She wouldn't have a smoking habit, she wouldn't have this suicide note half sprawled sitting in her pocket. She would've been happy with each hand her father put on her frame because she knew that the world was worst from the window.

I hardly eat, I hardly sleep. I can hear him scratching and crying for another hit, he keeps rattling the barricade, trying the door handle. I would have better luck in nestling up somewhere on the streets, curling up and sleeping. Hopefully someone would come by and take pity; strangling me while I laid there. I just want it all to end. I want him to be alone- I want him to suffer the same loneliness I suffered from when he just sat next to me, all doped up. Touching me with his stinging hands, forcing his fingers into me because I didn't want to say no- I would just not make a noise, if I let him finish I could get some peace and quiet.

He turned my body into a coffin, I was no longer a loving girlfriend. I was hungry, working, exhausted, pissed off; but at the end of the day I was hurt. I was hurt worse than the domestic abuse that my father gave me because I wasn't a boy. I get the same treatment because I'm a girl, I'm a girl that gave him love, I gave him affection. Now I lay here, writing to an unknown reader like I'm praying to a god because I have no where to go. 

I never wish for this life on anybody, I miss my gold covered walls of abusive household, I don't want this life. I can easily just give it up because I'm selfish. I'm selfish because I don't deserve the drug addiction he has, I'm selfish because I allowed him to touch and rape me while he was doped up on heroin. I'm selfish because I want a meal, a warm bed and the most luxury of them all, I want love. I want to be kissed, I want to be hugged, I want to have sex to the point where it doesn't get followed by guilt or an amount of blood after being forced. I just want to be held so I can melt away and be forgotten. 

I just want to- ~~~~

I want to blame someone , I want to blame my dad, I want to blame his mom. I want to blame his brother or the drugs. I want to blame him the most. But if I think about this situation more; **the blame game's real winner is me, it's always been me.**


End file.
